I hate...

The duality of love (probably used that word wrong but it sounds good anyways). I find myself becoming more and more attached, even when I know I shouldn't be. I find my thoughts dwelling on her when they should be focused elsewhere. I constantly concern myself with what her opinion is of what I am doing. I look for her approval on decisions that are ultimately mine to make. I'm stepping down a dangerously steep ladder into that hellish pit I found myself in more than a year ago: self-sacrifice for love. And why? The best conclusion that my logic can come to is that I naturally need another half, and even when I tell myself I'm not looking for someone to fill that place, I still find myself looking. And I still find myself hanging on to what was something that I believed could only be temporary.
The "Me" part of me says: "Fuck if I know." I keep trying to logically shoot down this chase for a girl that (according to "proper" society) is too young for me, and all the while I'm thinking "god, I hope I don't scare her off." I want so badly for my own person, and it doesn't help the situation that I'm becoming more and more attracted to one of two girls that are best friends, and for whom I vocalized an initial attraction to both of them. That's not to say that I don't find myself attracted to both of them, but that I find myself... I want to say connecting on a deeper level with one more than the other, but I cannot speak for her, therefore the best conclusion I can come to is that I find myself pouring out more of myself to one, more than the other. and of course that doesn't bode well for a happy ending, at least not the way the story is playing out right now.
The best plan I can come up with right now (at one thirty in the morning) is to wait probably something like five years, then revisit the possibility of a relationship with her. Course... I don't want to wait that long, and most likely I'll fuck something up LONG before then and either ruin their friendship, OR I'll ruin mine with them. Either way, hell if I know, it's too bloody early. That and I keep thinking about her, and it's not helping my focus, damnit...