I'd forgotten...

How much I hate the ping-pong effect. How when one of two people that hang out together all the time gets pissed, it starts to pingpong off the other and it gets stronger and stronger. It doesn't help that this is happening on a day where I'm just... fried for some reason. I've been deadpan ever since I got a flat tire earlier. I guess part of it is I was looking for consolation from one of my friends and no one really seemed to feel bad about the fact that I felt like shit over it... so now it's all turned into indifference. On top of that, for some BS reason I've got this jealousy thing starting up again... cause I'm stuck down here, and even this weekend I'm not gonna get much chance to be alone with her... I mean, fuck, it's not like I can take her to dinner, we can't even fucking have a normal dating relationship, because people are stupid and I'm too nice... I need to stop caring about people's feelings, or at least, I would like to some times, but I care too much, I don't want to hurt people, and I don't want to ruin things for others... I hate my conscience.