melting

It's an emptiness inside me... no... I hate that cliché... It's like having the blood drain out of me... every day I have less and less... It's my will to function... it just isn't there... becaues all I want to do is be up there with her... She fucking drives me crazy, I need her near me, I need to see her face, I need to hear her voice...
When she's not here, I... last night, I don't remember what I was doing, but I had to keep so hard from just breaking down and crying right there in my friend's place in Irvine... I guess it's partially cause I don't really have much of an emotional connection to my grandma (with whom I live with while I'm going to college) and I can't really talk to her abou how I feel... most of the time I can with my friend... but I didn't want to bring it up cause we were just hangin out for the day, and it was a fun day... but I was so close to a complete breakdown... it wouldn't have taken much to push me over that edge...
She's taught me to be decisive, to be more dominant in a relationship... and yet... I rely almost completely on her, at least as just someone I can talk to...

I'm just glad I get to see her in a week and a half...