Something new

It's hard to learn something new. I lucked out that my first two girlfriends were both friends (I know that sounds messed up, but it's a long story). Why do I say that? Because they really didn't express jealousy about me spending time with the other occasionally, even though... even though I would occasionally freak out about them spending time with old ex's...

Hot fuck did I have a double standard or what?

Tonight is the first night I realized, and I mean really realized, that A could feel the same way... and I feel horrible about it, because she's said several times that she hates it when I hang out with Av, and I guess in my own little world, I figured she was just being figurative or something...

Tonight I was talking with A's mom and she made a comment about putting myself in A's shoes, at which point I realized 'every time I pass her ex's house...' yes, he lives on the same street as I, 'I pray that his truck is at his house, cause I don't want him going over and showing up at her house.' Just how fair is that for me to feel that way about her ex, but to think that she doesn't feel the same way about my ex's? I think it's about time that I focus a little more on the person that's important to me, rather than the people that turned me down...

I'm so sorry A...
I'm all yours, and I'll try to be better at it from now on...